Reflections
by LouiseKurylo
Summary: After a hike, Jane and Lisbon talk about his father, carny lifestyle choices, alcohol and abuse, and friendship. They share some (hopefully) interesting insights. This is AU early in season 5 (but without Lorelei complications), when they are living together.


**Reflections**

**Who:** Jane, Lisbon

**What:** Idle conversation after a hike

**When:** Late season 2 or so, except that they are a couple

**Where:** Bed in their apartment

**Why:** Reflections on Jane's father, drinking and abuse, carny lifestyle choices, and friendship

* * *

Lisbon and Jane idly talk in bed after a hike. Minor, but some (hopefully) interesting insights.

**This is AU, set at early season 5, but without Lorelei complications and assuming they are a couple living together.**

* * *

After their hike, Jane showered, donned underwear and lay on the bed, relaxing. Dressed in shorts and t-shirt, Lisbon stepped into the bedroom while toweling her hair dry. She gave him a kiss and lay down next to him.

"That hike was fun. I had my doubts, but I'm glad you suggested it."

He responded drowsily, "Glad enough to do it again, city girl?"

"Sure, though maybe not every weekend. –So how does a carny kid come to like nature so much?

He yawned, "Pretty naturally," and grinned lazily at his own lame pun. "Fairgrounds, show grounds are usually on the edge of town. You can't be alone in a trailer. It got claustrophobic when my father and I fought. So I'd go poking around nearby natural areas to get away. Came to like it for itself."

"Jane, I know you were close to your mom. What about your father?"

He groaned, "It's complicated. What do you want to know?"

"Start with the positives. What were the best things about him?"

"He was smart and a good husband. My father loved my mom, was devoted to her. Unfortunately, there was a downside. _She_ made the family, made it a home. It was a package deal for him–being a father was an extension of being a husband. After she died, he wasn't much interested in me except for how I could be useful in the show."

"You were–what?–ten when she died. How could a ten-year-old be critical to the show?"

"He used to do the psychic role with my mom as the MC. When she died, he taught me to handle the psychic role and he became the MC. I _wasn't_ good enough till I was 11 or so. Couple of lean years there."

"And the negatives?" A half-dozen emotions flickered across his face before he replied.

"After my mom died, he got all caught up in making money, but lost most of it playing poker. His feelings toward me were driven by how well the show did. I didn't like that. Eventually, I realized he resented how good I'd gotten as a psychic. No way for me to win." Jane shrugged. "He manipulated and bullied people. He also did a fake healing scam on the side. I had problems with that."

"Your home life was rough after your mom died. Carson Springs has been a bad area for decades. How did you avoid the gangs and drugs?"

"Pete and Sam were a second family to me, a big help especially after my mom died. But in general, carnies are off by themselves in Carson Springs. Gone six months out of the year, carnies aren't exactly good prospects for gang members. Also, as a con man, alcohol and drugs are stupid. You can't handicap yourself and expect to live by your wits."

"You don't think of yourself as a con man anymore, do you?"

"Now it's more just lifestyle habits."

"Meaning?"

"No drugs, no drinking to excess. You control what you let the world see. You're wary of others manipulating you. Like that."

"I've rarely seen you take more than one drink."

"I like the taste of some mixed drinks. Beer is good on a hot day and wine can complement a meal. I've never seen the charm of getting drunk. Drugs have no appeal. I'm interested in thinking clearly and drugs get in the way."

"Actually, that's wrong. You had a hangover the morning after you burned your Red John files. And you were three-sheets to the wind after volunteering for that behavior-modification program to trap the Santa killer. I was afraid when you did that."

Jane looked at her in surprise. "Afraid? Of what?"

"Of what I might find out. My dad was a decent guy. Sober. When he drank, he was mean and brutal. My mom protected us. After she died, I spent years keeping my brothers out of his way when he drank."

"So what did you find out?" Jane asked, curious but comfortable.

"When I drove you home you were sappy, ironic, and funny. I know you don't tend toward physical violence. But I've seen you leave men bleeding in the dust with two or three sentences."

He shook his head. "I don't do that without reason."

"Let's just say I'm relieved being drunk isn't a reason. You know, a bruise or even a broken bone will heal in a few weeks. A cutting comment can wound for a lifetime."

"I'm so glad alcohol doesn't amplify my vices," he said dryly.

Lisbon poked him in the ribs. "_I'm_ glad you're letting up on the image and wariness stuff. You're a lot more relaxed and open with the team than you used to be."

He shrugged. "Yeah, you're all family now."

"Is that the magic difference? Family?"

"Not literally, obviously. But I guess I'm still carny enough so it's all or nothing."

"Who counts as family?"

He kissed her. "You, of course. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt. Pete and Sam. Danny Ruskin. I used to owe Sophie for saving my life, but solving her ex's murder evened the score."

"Jane, your commitment to family and friends is so absolute, it'd have to be a small group."

"If he was in need, a friend is someone to whom you'd give a kidney. Most people are acquaintances. That group? Except for Danny–who _is_ family by marriage–you've all saved my life one way or another. Fair exchange." He changed the topic. "Hey, why is it 'Jane' and not 'Patrick'? You're both 'Teresa' and 'Lisbon' to me."

"Does it bother you?" she asked seriously. "I'll call you anything you like."

"I don't know that it bothers me. First, tell me why."

"We've known each other ten years now and you've always been 'Jane.' I don't know you in two contexts-work versus personal life. You're just 'Jane.'"

"Hmm. You don't feel the last name is a barrier, reflects a reservation?"

"Do _you_ feel it's a barrier? I think we've managed to be quite intimate. Seems to me context, tone, and body language convey everything that's needed."

He smiled, "Well, yes, we seem to get our feelings across."

"I'll call you whatever you like, but you'll always be 'Jane' to me. Your name captures the whole person I know. And that history is pretty intense–saving my life, for instance."

"I guess it would be awkward to consciously make a change."

"Love you, Jane." She paused a beat. "See? Works just fine."


End file.
